Daring to take risks
Not so long ago I decided that I wouldn’t allow fear to control my life anymore. I was sick and tired of limiting myself because of my low self-esteem. I wanted to break free from my own dismissive thoughts and dare to take more risks.
That was obviously easier said than done as fear has been my closest companion for as long as I can remember. Fear was like an abusive lover offering compassion and comfort from the very same agony it was causing me. Fear told me I wasn’t good enough and I believed it. It was an inescapable part of my life that made me withdraw to the darkest corner where no one could reach me. It dictated every thought, feeling and action and suppressed all my joy and confidence. It fueled my resentment and made me perish slowly.
Stifling fear is like holding your breath to avoid air pollution. It won’t work. Fear breeds like rats and is hardy like weed. You can’t escape it all at once, but you can challenge it and slowly expand your boundaries one step at the time. KANT is gently pushing me in the right direction out of my comfort zone. KANT is like a magnet, attracting tasks that invigorate me to face my fear, be bold & courageous and take risks where I would normally cringe and hide.
March 21st was one of those days. We were shooting the new lookbook and I was the front woman posing for the catalogue. I have never posed before, and to be honest I used to be in a state of panic every time someone would pick up their camera and point it in my direction. Like they were threatening me with a gun. I was terrified, uncomfortable and insecure. I didn’t like myself or the way I looked and I definitely didn’t want to immortalize my self-resentment in a photo. I saw models in magazines posing with grace and confidence. It both amazed and frustrated me the ease and strength they radiated. They made it look so simple, and yet I froze like a deer in headlamps every time.
I knew this was a great opportunity to hit fear hard and take big, confident strides forward. I even convinced myself that posing with my own creations would be a great brand statement, just to provoke and excite my inner businesswoman. She represents my assertive persona and I needed the confidence. I became firm in my resolution. I wanted to do this.
I teamed up with a very skilled photographer, a make up artist and my little sister for support and endured 4 hours in front of the camera. I was in good hands with a professional team that managed to inspire boldness and self-assurance in me. It was an amazing experience, both frightening and exciting at the same time. I proved to myself that I have more confidence and strength than I give myself credit for. I’m proud and immensely grateful to have a job that challenges, strengthens and empowers me.
Below are some pictures from behind the scenes. Stay tuned for the final lookbook.